I’m on a boat. It’s a ferry, actually. Taking a day trip to Bainbridge Island to recharge and do research for the novel I’m working on, as it takes place on a fictionalized version of the island.

I’m writing again, campers, which feels phenomenal. Even though it’s becoming clear that my plot is whack. Seriously, it would make people who followed Twin Peaks with no trouble go, “Huh?”

But that’s tomorrow’s problem. I’m writing again and that’s what matters. I wrote the second scene yesterday, so I’ll have something to offer my critique group (who I’ve been ignoring for two months, which included responding to the critiques of my last post. Sorry about that ladies. I hope to be back soon.) when my turn rolls around again. And now I’m doing research on a ferry – how cool is that? Even if it is only 50F and rainy, I’m still enjoying the ride and plan to enjoy the island.

So, the running on empty thing. I don’t mean literal running because that’s going fine. I’m slow as hell, but I can run six miles without stopping and that’s pretty cool. Especially since my 10k (~ 6 miles) is coming up next weekend (excuse me for a moment while I freak out a bit).

No, I’m talking about figurative running. See, I’ve been running around my life like a mad woman for well over a year. BeBop started evaluations and therapies last summer. Then we added preschool and more therapies, switching therapies, screaming about going to therapies. Then we had his tonsils and adenoids removed. Then the National Novel Writing Month, where I basically locked myself in a room for a month and wrote 50,000 words. Therapies still going on. Then I took a six-week revision course for my novel and went to more therapies. BamBam was evaluated for speech and occupational therapy, then started with his own OT. Then I committed myself (and Sparky) to The Program (still ongoing), which took up most of the time not already dedicated to taking the kids to therapies. Then preschool ended and summer camps started. We had to juggle the therapies and the dance continued. Then we had BamBam evaluated further and I freaked out about that. Then we went to Texas for a tour of the families. Then we came home and…nothing.

Not entirely nothing. The boys still have OT, but most of the other therapies are on hiatus until school starts next week. I’m still on The Program, but it’s not as time/appointment intensive in the second phase. I thought I would spend the free time doing all the things I don’t normally have time for, but I’ve basically spent it watching TV and eating graham crackers. And feeling really bad about myself for not accomplishing anything. My house is dirtier than ever and I’ve just found out that BamBam’s therapies will be home visits, as in they will occur IN MY HOUSE, but I just can’t seem to tear myself away from One Tree Hill to do anything about it.

The thing is, I’m spent. I’m running on empty. So I’m taking today to recharge my batteries (please forgive the metaphor shift).

I’m also realizing that I don’t do well food-wise when I’m not busy. It’s hard to resist the graham crackers in the morning if I don’t have to rush out the door. And if I give in at breakfast, the day is pretty well shot.

And if I’m off by the time dinner rolls around, I feel like I’m dragging Sparky right down with me. As he said last night, his eating is not my responsibility. He also pointed out that I have made sure there is back-up healthy food available in the house, so even if I do order a pizza, he has a healthy option available. He even took it last night. I did not. I ate the pizza.

So, while I only gained 0.2 pounds in Texas, I gained six pounds my first week home. I know some of that was cyclic in nature and some was delayed reaction to the poor choices made in Texas, but still. I managed to get most of it off, but I can’t seem to get back down to 180 and won’t if I continue to eat like I am (she says as she digs in to her fish and chips lunch. Research calories don’t count, right? And there’s an ice cream shop prominent in the book! Yippee!) I’m worried that I won’t fit into my dress by 9/25 (the new dress date night) and that I won’t hit 160 by the list deadline in January. I know that sounds like a long time, but I’m having surgery in late October and I’ll be off exercise for six weeks and I’m moving in the WRONG DIRECTION.

That said, I feel ready for things to start next week. I think it will be a relief. Of course, it ramps up pretty quickly, so I may be whistling a very different tune come Wednesday. But for now, I’m ready. And optimistic. I’m not sure how or when it happened, but I think maybe my tank is full.  I’m just not looking forward to the gas bill.

PS Thanks to Lucy March (and Jonathan Coulton) for my two new favorite songs: