♣ Tuesday weigh-in: 209.8 pounds ♣
First off, a little about Japan. My heart bleeds for what the people (and animals) there are going through. Utterly devastating, but what a resilient people. I’m in awe of the order and resolve with which they are facing the situation and the compassion they seem to be showing each other. I wish them a speedy and full recovery.
A close friend of ours, the lovely and talented Mimzilla, is Japanese. She’s lived in the US since she was 15, but her family (excluding her marvelous American husband and their fabulous daughter) is still in Japan. They’re okay. Shaken, but okay. After the earthquake and tsunami, Mimzilla wrote on her blog about what it’s like to be bicultural, and far away from loved ones, at a time like this. It’s incredibly moving and you can read it here. She is the artistic director at a local theater and they’re planning a benefit concert for Japan. Let me know if you’re interested and I’ll keep you posted.
And now that I’ve shown the ability to think about others, however fleetingly, I’m going back to thinking about me. I’ve been in a bit of a tailspin, which you know if you read my last post. I’m pulling out of it, but it’s taking a lot more effort than I’d anticipated. I’m lucky to have wonderful friends, many of whom offered me encouragement here or via email, for which I’m very grateful. Three of those friends – Cookie, BC Maven, and Marathon Girl – offered to watch the boys while I saw a therapist. Cookie even went so far as to find me a therapist to see. You guys ROCK. Every last one of you!
So I’ve been seeing this therapist, Heidi, for a little over a month now. She’s not the first therapist I’ve been to, but I think she may be the best. For me, anyway. I had coping mechanisms I’ve used for years, but they’re not working anymore and Heidi’s helping me figure out how to deal with that. She has introduced me to the concept of self compassion, which I’m trying to embrace. We’re addressing issues I didn’t even know I had like attachment, trust, and that ugly evil bastard shame. Okay, well, maybe I realized the shame part, but the others were definitely revelatory. I’m sure I’ll blog about them in the future, but for now I just want to throw them out there. I also wrote “purpose vs. function” in my notebook, but now I can’t remember exactly why. I think it had to do with my inability to allow myself to get a babysitter unless I have a specific purpose for the time, like a doctor’s appointment or a parent-teacher conference. Something about me being worthy of the free time facilitated by the sitter – that it could (and sometimes should) serve no other purpose beyond allowing me time to recharge. It would be functional in that way without having a specific purpose…or something.
Right now I’m working on compiling a list of things to do to make me feel more in control of my life. One of them will be to blog more – right now I’m shooting for every Tuesday. I’ve gained 30 pounds since December. Strategies to lose that are also on my list, including posting my weight at the top of each blog.
And self compassion. I’ve got to work that in, too. Wish me luck.
My wife rocks. Also, Cookie, BC Maven, and Marathon Girl rock.
Hey! I’m sorry that it’s been rough the last few months, and I’m glad you are getting the help you need. You and your health are worth it! Sounds like you’ve got just about the best support group around.
I also want you to know that you aren’t alone. We don’t just read your words, smile at your humor, and root for you in all your goals, but we struggle along with you!
I have been a runner for 2 years, and have lost 20 lbs in my own struggle to stay healthy and balanced — but even after running 3 half marathons I’m still “overweight” according those standard tables. It’s a daily trial, and I love how you can be so open and honest about an issue that is so hard to talk about sometimes.
Since you asked for luck, I’ll send some 🙂 But I don’t think you’re going to need it. Sounds like you’re on the right track!
Great work going forward! And yay for your new Heidi connection. (May I just say how lovely it was to see Sparky as the first comment here?! Awesome, just so awesome.)
We are with you on this journey. I have been where you are, not giving ourlseves enough credit for being an individual of worth. It gets better, it really does.
Good luck and much support.
When I was a teen I babysat for a woman with one kid, a little one year older, and sometimes she just had me over so she could lie on her bed and stare at the ceiling. Or sit in the kitchen and sew. And she wasn’t working, and was young and in good health. If she deserved it, for heaven’s sake you do triple time!
I wrote this little blog post recently for a Betty facing some scary therapy, and I shared it with another friend facing some therapy/relationship issues. And it was my own comfort this past winter when my life did some unraveling. I hope it will help you see that even when you’re feeling in poor health and up against it, just facing up to those problems means you’re being a super strong warrior!
And I also recommend Betty Sheesh’s exercise blog.
Maybe some of her older posts, when she was struggling more with her weight and trying to exercise. She seems good at just trying to focus on a little every day. I’m not saying she’s facing the same challenges as you, I just think she has a balanced approach. Baby steps. 🙂