This could probably use a working over by a non-angry me, but we all know that’s not going to happen, don’t we?

This is Zoo Keeper’s birthday week. In the second grade, you get to be student of the week during your birthday week and your parents send something in every day to celebrate you. His teacher gave me a list of the stuff on Thursday because the boys were off school that day. I went home with the full intention of working on it, really I did, but it just didn’t happen. Lots of other crappy stuff happened on Friday, including Zoo Keeper pouring a bucket of dirty water on Annie to see if she likes water, but none of the birthday stuff.

On Monday, because this was Memorial Day weekend and the boys were off school on Monday as well, I took Zoo Keeper to Cold Stone Creamery to order his birthday cake. While there, I remembered the stuff we needed to do for his week at school. I even mentioned it to my mom, who was visiting, when we got home. And then I promptly forgot it again.

I took Mom to the airport on Wednesday morning, picked up the kids at 2pm because it’s early release on Wednesdays, and then let them go outside to play with friends. BamBam came in a few minutes later and asked me to walk up the street with him to see one of his friends who was playing in her yard because he was too shy to go by himself. He wanted to introduce Annie, so we took her, too. There were several people and it was really hot and I was sweating, but I stayed with him. Until he ditched me to go play with his brother and the kids across the street at our house. Not cool, BamBam.

And I finally remembered the stuff for his birthday week at school…right as Sparky and I were going to bed. Also after Sparky told me Zoo Keeper thinks I’m the worst mom in the world because I won’t let him play with weapons or stay outside after his bed time. I considered returning the Hawkeye bow and arrow I got for his birthday, but I actually don’t care about his ire. I’m his mother, not his friend. I’m tempted to show him what a really strict upbringing is like, but I don’t think he’d get the point.

Because Sparky is awesome, he did three of the five tasks with Zoo Keeper at breakfast this morning, Thursday morning. That left the poster for Zoo Keeper to do and the letter from his parents about how great he is for us to do.

I took Annie for her first vet visit (since adopting her) this morning. I left her in the backyard when I went to pick BamBam up for speech. We got a dog door, but the noise scares her and she refuses to use it, so I wanted to see if she would come inside. I put a baby gate on the stairs so she couldn’t get up there. Which turned out to be a good thing for me.

We topped 80°F this afternoon.

I wrote some notes for Zoo Keeper’s letter while we were at speech therapy. On the way home, BamBam talked non-stop about Doc Ock, not the villain one, his Doc Ock that is a good guy and also apparently in California right now. That’s about all I understood, but there was a lot more. A lot more.

We picked up Zoo Keeper on the way home and walked in to Annie and three big piles of dog vomit on the family room floor. I went to get supplies, including the last roll of paper towels, to clean it up and had to ask BamBam to stop talking to me so I could concentrate. Annie started eating one of the piles, so I tried to put her outside, which wasn’t easy with BamBam trying to help.

I got everything cleaned up and fed the kids dinner, then went to sit on the couch for a bit. I tried to get Annie to join me, but she seemed to be punishing me for leaving her. I realized later that she was probably hungry after emptying half her body weight onto the floor.

After he finished dinner, I reminded Zoo Keeper he needed to do his poster. He said, “Okay,” without looking up from his iPad. I reminded him again. He looked up and said, in his huffiest voice, “Just let me finish watching this, okay.”

And I thought Screw you, dick-head. I don’t give a shit whether you ever finish your damn poster. I considered canceling his birthday party this weekend, but decided to go eat some yogurt instead.

Later, I went upstairs to help BamBam take care of something repulsive and came back downstairs to find Annie on top of the kitchen table with a leftover Pop-tart in her mouth. I took it away, put her on the floor, and got her some real food.

I would eat some real food, too, but I just burned the shit out of dinner. I’m currently considering a dinner of Butter Shots and Bailey’s. (or a dinner designed entirely by Hershey’s)

Oh, and Annie has worms.