◊ Tuesday Weigh-in: 185.6 ◊

First of all, I DID IT! BC Maven (see cast list) and I ran in a 5k race on Saturday. It was kind of a letdown because I didn’t get to run the whole thing – there was a bit of a bottleneck at the beginning. That and the fact that I already knew I could do it.  We were running on horse trails, so there was the challenge of jumping over the horse poop. All in all it was fun and now I’m considering doing another one in a couple of weeks and maybe a 10k later this summer. I never imagined I would actually be a runner, but there you go.

I need to preface the dream part of this post with the fact that I’ve had a couple of rough eating days. For various reasons, I’ve gone through two periods, lasting a couple of hours each, where I couldn’t stop eating off-limits food. Chocolate chips, chocolate chip pancakes, hot chocolate, marshmallows, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies…anything I could find.

Okay, now on to the dream. Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley…wait, no, that’s Mrs. de Winter. My dream was about someone sending me back in time. I was asked to change something in someone else’s life in the past, but I ended up in an unfamiliar place, having my purse stolen, and being unrecognizable to all the people who were supposed to know me.

The dream really shook me and I’ve been thinking about what things I would do differently in my life all day. I would definitely buy tech stock in the early nineties and sell before the bubble burst. I would change my major in college and really apply myself to the study of molecular biology. I like to think I wouldn’t let weight get out of control. Other than that, there are things I would change, but they’re all little things. They’re all the things I thought were important at the time, but turned out to be nothing much. I would do some new things, but there are many moments I couldn’t afford to miss.

I would need to go home to stay with my dad by August 1993 to meet Samantha. I wouldn’t want to miss her – wasn’t she a cutie?

I would need to go to my mom’s and get a job in the registrar’s office shortly after getting Sam. That’s where I met my friend who introduced me to Sparky a few years later.

Here’s where it gets tricky: I would still have to go through the miscarriages because I want the kids I have now. As they are. There are some other painful things I wouldn’t want to relive, but I wouldn’t give them up either. They’re part of where I am in my life and I like it here. I like my life and the people I share it with (including all the friends I didn’t mention above – I wouldn’t trade you guys for anything). Those experiences are also a big part of who I am and I like her, too, finally.

Basically, I wouldn’t change anything except wasted time. I don’t mean time I spent thinking or relaxing, because that’s valuable, too. I’m talking about the time I’ve spent procrastinating or, worse, not accomplishing anything because I was afraid to move. I would eradicate those times. I would move a lot more, literally and figuratively.

And those thoughts have helped me pull out of my slump (the slump that led to the eating frenzy). At least for today. Maybe they’ll work for the whole week. Maybe even beyond. Mainly I want to focus on today and not wasting a moment of it.